She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
