Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
