I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize