Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
