I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
