how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize