she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
