I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
