So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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