new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
