And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize