Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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