I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
