She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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