I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
