either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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