Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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