i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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