Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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