I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
