4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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