out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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