I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
