I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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