and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
