he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Even my vagina gasped.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
