where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
