I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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