the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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