he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
