My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
