We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
