My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
