but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
