filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
