And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
