I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
