That's intense
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
