yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
