The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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