No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
