He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
