I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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