the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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