Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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