Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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