is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
