Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
