This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
