Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
