She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
