I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
