"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You are the jesus of drinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
