I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
