he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
