I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
