I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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