True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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