Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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