Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Semen is not good for contacts.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
