im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
