It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
