Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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