yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
