My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
