I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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