I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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