i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
