He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
