Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
