that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
