just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
