just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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