My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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